So once again we have survived.

Vern Gives You… THE HAMMER!

This isn’t the type of movie I would usually review, but according to the infallible search engine it’s never been mentioned once on The Ain’t It Cool News and, having seen it today, I think it is worth mentioning.

THE HAMMER is an independent comedy about boxing. It stars the talk radio host Adam Corolla as Jerry Ferro, a carpenter who on his fortieth birthday gets fired from his job and dumped by his girlfriend. He still has a job as a part time boxing instructor at a gym so he tries to pick up some more work there. Without trying he ends up catching the eye of a veteran trainer who gives him a longshot chance to take part in Olympic trials, something he failed at 20 years ago through his own laziness.

The HammerSo you got your basic underdog story, a guy who has made nothing of his life taking a late shot at some kind of glory. A good inspirational tale for all us losers. If you only know Carolla from that show “The Man Show” he used to do you might think the premise is laughable, but in fact he was a boxing trainer (he met his partner Jimmy Kimmel because he was his coach). So yes there are jokes about him looking like a slob (one character asks him how he can be so skinny and so fat at the same time) but his skills appear authentic. It’s a comedy, it’s not at all a serious movie, but it’s the kind of comedy that takes place in something like the real world, not the cartoony kind like a Will Ferrell or Adam Sandler movie.

And to me I think that layer of authenticity is what makes it rise above the many other comedies that cover similar material. Carolla didn’t just say “What can we make a movie about? Boxing?” He made a movie based in what he knows, and he knows boxing. He also really was a carpenter so, weirdly enough, alot of the humor is based in his knowledge of carpentry. For example he gets himself into trouble when a big-shot boxer punches a heavy bag so hard it tears out of the ceiling. While the guy’s entourage kiss his ass Jerry points out that the bag was poorly attached, that toggle bolts should be used for things like humming bird feeders or wind chimes. Maybe he should’ve kept that to himself.

I was expecting filmatism on the cheesy side, but it’s not bad. The photography is kind of raw looking, it works well for the story. It does have the standard comedy mediocre rock soundtrack, but oh well. The conversations in the movie are obviously based around random things that Corolla likes to riff on (the La Brea tar pits, novelty candles, slow drivers, “going Dutch”) but that trick almost always works because he has alot of funny observations about those topics. It rarely feels forced.

If you look at the credits the movie is as much of an underdog as the character. The director is the guy who did KISSING JESSICA STEIN which I’m sure some people liked, but other than that his credits are things like LEGALLY BLONDE (tv pilot and sequel) and 2001’s THE FACTS OF LIFE REUNION. The story is by Carolla but the screenplay is by some guy who produces and appears on various sports shows. And then of course there’s the fact that it stars a talk radio guy, and it’s not even about talk radio. How many talk radio guys are gonna make good movie stars?

Well, for this movie it works perfectly. You don’t want to see a movie star in this role, not even a comedian. Carolla is this character, you believe him driving a shitty pickup truck with a hole from a pick axe making it hard to open the passenger side door. And the humor comes out of the character, the things he talks about, his smartass comebacks to people, and his universally relatable apathy and laziness. On the radio Carolla can say stupid shit sometimes but you don’t care because he’s funny, likable and self-deprecating enough to win you back. The character is the same way, he’s easy to root for.

I should mention that I only have one foot into the world of radio listening. In Seattle Howard Stern has never been the cultural phenomenon that he seems to be in other parts of the country, so I never got into him. We’re supposed to be a big radio town, but that’s because the traffic is terrible, so all those people who live out in the suburbs and work somewhere else need something to do during the percentage of their life they choose to spend on commuting. If you live in the city and ride the bus that’s just not a part of your life, you spend that time reading a book or staring out the window.

I do have a clock radio though so shit happens. I used to listen to Air America when we were hip deep in the Bush years and getting to experience this liberal media you hear so much about was kind of a lifeline. But I can’t listen to that anymore since they dumped or lost all their shows that had a sense of humor. The guy in the morning was very knowledgeable and I learned from listening to him, but getting disgusted about politics every morning when you wake up is bad for the soul. And I’m trying to lower my blood pressure. I remembered Adam Carolla from when he was on Loveline, so when I found out he had a morning show I set my radio to that.

I bring this up only to say that I am somewhat familiar with the things he talks about on his show, and with Oswaldo Castillo, his Nicaraguan buddy from the construction days who “reviews” movies on the show and is very funny playing his sidekick in the movie. It seems like people who listen to someone like Carolla start to feel like he’s their actual friend, so if you listen to that show alot I’m sure you’ll love the movie. But honestly I think maybe it will work better if you’ve never heard the show because his shtick will be brand new to you. Don’t worry, there’s no in-jokes, no “babba booey” or any shit like that.

THE HAMMER is a very likable underdog story, with many laughs big and small. Apparently it almost went straight to DVD, but Carolla put up the money himself to strike up prints and promote it. Like Dolemite would’ve done. I don’t know, it will be great on video, you don’t need to see it in Imax or anything. But I had a good time seeing it with a small, appreciative audience. It’s still in limited release, but if you live in California, NYC, Phoenix, Las Vegas, Portland, Salem or Washington state you should consider checking it out.

By the way, THE HAMMER has the following admirable qualities:

* No celebrity cameos, not even Ben Stiller or Will Ferrell
* The only ROCKY reference is a brief use of “Eye of the Tiger”
* The love story never slows the movie down
* It proves that people besides Judd Apatow can still make funny comedies sometimes

In conclusion, THE HAMMER is the best boxing movie since ROCKY BALBOA.

thanks,

Vern

Originally published at Ain’t-It-Cool-News: http://www.aintitcool.com/node/36226

View the archived Ain’t-It-Cool-News Talkback

  • April 1, 2008, 6:46 a.m. CST

    Was Will Ferrell busy?

    by sean bean

  • April 1, 2008, 6:46 a.m. CST

    Great great great review

    by Kragmose

    So great.

  • April 1, 2008, 6:46 a.m. CST

    Great great great review

    by Kragmose

    So great.

  • April 1, 2008, 6:47 a.m. CST

    Huh

    by Kragmose

    It’s double great!

  • April 1, 2008, 6:51 a.m. CST

    the La Brea tar pits

    by just pillow talk

    should be mentioned in every movie. <p>But can any comedy survive without Ben Stiller????? Or perhaps Stiller should be thrown into the La Brea tar pits.

  • April 1, 2008, 6:54 a.m. CST

    This isn’t a bio-pic?

    by RenoNevada2000

    Somehow I can’t see Adam Carolla starring in the life story of Fred Williamson.

  • April 1, 2008, 6:55 a.m. CST

    Never cared for Carolla so

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    I won’t be seeing this. It doesn’t even sound interesting, but hey to each their own.

  • April 1, 2008, 6:59 a.m. CST

    Richard Roeper and Kris Kringle liked it too…

    by tonagan

    What the hell is that other guy’s name, anyway?

  • April 1, 2008, 7:01 a.m. CST

    What’s the difference between Adam Carrola and Gilberg Godfried?

    by rbatty024

    Seriously? Aren’t they pretty much the same person?

  • April 1, 2008, 7:05 a.m. CST

    The Hammer AND Dancing With The Stars??

    by Abin Sur

    It’s like an Adam Carolla renaissance. That’s not an endorsement.

  • April 1, 2008, 7:05 a.m. CST

    Vern..

    by Darth Valinorean

    … this is why I always look forward to your reviews. Education. Entertaining. Excellent.

  • April 1, 2008, 7:07 a.m. CST

    “THE HAMMER is the best boxing movie since ROCKY BALBOA”

    by mascan42

    Maybe I missed something, but isn’t it also the ONLY boxing movie since Rocky Balboa?

  • April 1, 2008, 7:18 a.m. CST

    you’re probably right Yack

    by just pillow talk

    Next thing you know messi won’t be calling everyone a fucking cunt today.

  • April 1, 2008, 7:27 a.m. CST

    A whole film w/ Carrola as the lead?

    by Nice Marmot

    I’ll pass, thank you. I am irritated just thinking about it.

  • April 1, 2008, 7:30 a.m. CST

    Not April Fools. :-(

    by Prof. Pop-Cult

    Reading news about this lame movie makes me wish it were a joke.

  • April 1, 2008, 7:33 a.m. CST

    Watching Adam Corolla…

    by tvspace

    … well, it just shouldn’t be done. I’d rather watch Bob Saget sitcom reruns.

  • April 1, 2008, 7:44 a.m. CST

    I hated The Man Show.

    by Kurutteru Yatsu

    But I liked Loveline when it was Adam and Dr. Drew. I might check this out.

  • April 1, 2008, 7:49 a.m. CST

    KISSING JESSICA STEIN

    by Midnightxpress

    You had me until the reveal that this dude did that uber suckfest. One of the most boring films of the 21st century so far

  • April 1, 2008, 8:12 a.m. CST

    Have you been to Vern’s site?

    by HwelII

    He has finally sold out. He’s even spelling it “site” now.

    Tragic, really.

  • April 1, 2008, 8:12 a.m. CST

    mascan42 – that’s the joke

    by messi

    silly man

  • April 1, 2008, 8:12 a.m. CST

    Kissing Ben Stein

    by tonagan

  • April 1, 2008, 8:12 a.m. CST

    Kissing Franken Stein

    by tonagan

    I’ll stop now. Happy April 1st.

  • April 1, 2008, 8:16 a.m. CST

    Even Adam admits people tend to hate him, but…

    by Logo Lou

    This movie is really funny. Non-Adam fans should give it a try, it’s not what they might expect.

  • April 1, 2008, 8:19 a.m. CST

    Vern is the real hammer

    by CuervoJones

    Coolest writer on the Internet

  • April 1, 2008, 8:22 a.m. CST

    Saw it last Friday – Adam came to greet the audience

    by Russman

    I really enjoyed this movie. It was funny and romantic too. It’s a date movie that guys will enjoy. If you’re wondering if you should see Drillbit, Super Hero Movie or The Hammer – take a step out of your comfort zone and go see The Hammer you won’t be disapointed.

  • April 1, 2008, 8:24 a.m. CST

    Your review convinced me..

    by Redbox

    I’m going to see this. For those of you who need flashy expensive soundtracks, stars and special effects I would pass. I like honest movies.

  • April 1, 2008, 8:41 a.m. CST

    Hebrew Hammer

    by kingben

    he’s a certified, cercumsized dick

  • April 1, 2008, 8:42 a.m. CST

    Adam Corolla

    by enderandrew

    I haven’t seen the film, and I have no clue if it is good, but I have to respect someone who fights for the script for years, and then puts up the cash himself to see the movie released.

    And he is doing Dancing with the Stars specifically to get publicity for his movie. He outright said so.

  • April 1, 2008, 8:44 a.m. CST

    “How can he be so skinny, and be so phat?”

    by Dwide Shrewd

    Somebody better credit the fuckin Beastie Boys if they’re going to steal that line from them.

  • April 1, 2008, 9:05 a.m. CST

    WHO?

    by travis-dane

    Damn….

  • April 1, 2008, 9:06 a.m. CST

    needs more dolph

    by ironic_name

  • April 1, 2008, 9:21 a.m. CST

    Will Rent. Worthy of that.

    by Stormwatcher

  • April 1, 2008, 9:26 a.m. CST

    Is there a trailer for “Eric Bana Movie” yet?

    by DerLanghaarige

  • April 1, 2008, 10:03 a.m. CST

    Vern….

    by whatever1964

    In all sincerity, you’re the only person on this site who can write a review worth a tinker’s damn….

  • April 1, 2008, 10:35 a.m. CST

    The Aceman Rules!!!

    by rhcp2sweet

    He just needs to go back to Loveline is all. Stryker sucks

  • April 1, 2008, 11:11 a.m. CST

    This looks kind of like Artie Lange’s Beer League

    by skimn

    A vanity project of sorts, but at least funnier. Beer League was as funny as spotting blood in your urine.

  • April 1, 2008, 11:27 a.m. CST

    damn you skimn

    by DaBUU

    Respect Arthur Lange damnint! Artie Nation!

  • April 1, 2008, 11:31 a.m. CST

    Tonagan, Roeper still has a cycle of guest stars…

    by Lenny Nero

    …but the guy in question is Michael Phillips.

  • April 1, 2008, 11:34 a.m. CST

    I respect that a

    by skimn

    320 pound coked-up alkie can still get work. No, I kid. I’m SURE he’s clean.

  • April 1, 2008, 11:52 a.m. CST

    AceRockolla

    by BestInShow

    Thanks for the review Vern. Saw this movie last weekend in Pasadena and I agree that it’s good for both Carolla and non-Carolla fans, and that if you are in the mood for a comedy…go ahead and give it a shot (what else are you going to see?).

    I only started getting on the Carolla Bandwagon just over a year ago, and now I’m hooked. I’ve been listening to radio for awhile now and I’d have to say he’s the best radio personality the medium has seen. His humor and style doesn’t really translate to TV (hence not being a fan of the Man Show), and he probably got lucky with “The Hammer”, but his radio rants are pure magic. (Do yourselves a favor and Youtube the segment where he and Norm MacDonald break down Kenny Rogers songs) If you’ve get FreeFM tune if…if not it’s streamed and podcasted.

  • April 1, 2008, 11:58 a.m. CST

    I am Lloyd Bonafide, telling you that

    by Lloyd Bonafide the Korean War Veteran

    PHIL HENDRIE is radio.

  • April 1, 2008, 12:15 p.m. CST

    I’m waiting for Adam Corolla

    by skimn

    and Penn Jilette to start an all out fist fight brawl, like an old time western sallon, on Dancing With The Stars. The Gute would be shaking in the corner with his hands up, “Not in the face, not in the face.”

  • April 1, 2008, 12:36 p.m. CST

    I have to admit…

    by The-Duke-of-New-York

    I fell for Vern’s Fool. It scared the hell out of me.

  • April 1, 2008, 12:42 p.m. CST

    This Movie was Great, check it out

    by BrightEyes

    The Ace Man was amazing and it was real funny, if you like his banter on his shows, you’ll like it in the movie. Its also a very good feel good film. Ace Carolla Forever!

  • April 1, 2008, 2:27 p.m. CST

    Shitty April Fools

    by KristianUK

    I really got excited when I thought MC Hammer was doing the long awaited sequel to Please Hammer Dont Hurt Em!

  • April 1, 2008, 3:27 p.m. CST

    Almost saw this…

    by Toulon

    … now I definitely will check it out. I still say I’ve never seen a bad boxing movie . . . Play It to the Bone, Rocky (as a series… obviously 4 and 5 could be done without if needed), Diggstown (so good!!), Great White Hope, Great White Hype (you know you love it), When We Were Kings, Ali (not great, but definitely not bad) . . . and no, Snake Eyes doesn’t count.

  • April 1, 2008, 3:36 p.m. CST

    ITS LIKE ROCKY, BUT WITH ADAM CAROLLA

    by Oriba

    Sorry, this is like the other post regarding the new “Fast and Furious” with flying movie Harry mentions.

    Anyhow, I happen to watch this movie and it was good. Go see it.

  • April 1, 2008, 4:15 p.m. CST

    No, Vern’s new site

    by comedian_x

    must be an April Fool’s joke. I am prepared to die if it isn’t — although I will go with a tainted soul after having viewed that thing.

  • April 1, 2008, 5:02 p.m. CST

    PLANT!

    by thebearovingian

    This sucks. I know. I saw a clip on Leno.

  • April 1, 2008, 5:34 p.m. CST

    I liked it.

    by Spaz Medicine

    Saw it in Santa Monica a week ago. Not ground breaking or great or anything, but very enjoyable.

  • April 1, 2008, 7:15 p.m. CST

    Vern’s new site

    by LeFlambeur

    is the greatest April fools day joke ever. One of the most hillarious blog spoofs i’ve ever seen, hail vern!

  • April 1, 2008, 7:17 p.m. CST

    I wish the Ratner shirt was real

    by The Winged Doucheman

    I want one (sigh)

  • April 1, 2008, 11:12 p.m. CST

    Hmm . . . maybe if I’d read the whole article I would’ve gotten

    by mascan42

  • April 1, 2008, 11:12 p.m. CST

    the joke

    by mascan42

  • April 2, 2008, 12:50 a.m. CST

    Ok

    by Series7

    I am away from my home computer, but I decided to dig through my e-mails to find my fucking AICN password because I’ve been to lazy to change it. But I feel that it is my civic duty to take notes on a certain quote from the almighty Vern. <P>

    It proves that people besides Judd Apatow can still make funny comedies sometimes. REALL? Are you butt fucking kidding me? god I was all into this good article about this Beer League style movie. Then Vern had to throw in there JUST how much he likes to cup the balls of the Ivan Reitman/John Hughs wanna be of our generation. God if you feel that Apatow laziness is whats pushing the envelop of comedy these days then you sir, funny do not know. That being said I wonder how hard it was for Kimmel to get Adam on the star dancing show? Seriously though Apatow, while his movies may be funny to those who have never passed the pipe, are not the greatest comedy coming out these days.

  • April 2, 2008, 12:55 a.m. CST

    It can’t be as bad as Priscilla Presley’s face

    by kabong

    or whatever that thing is.

    <p>

    And she dances like Bride of Frankenstein.

    <p>

    That show is rigged. Last time it was Marie Osmond getting a pass while trundling around the stage.

    <p>

    Shannon Elizabeth should stop smoking and get some stamina.

  • April 2, 2008, 2:06 a.m. CST

    United 93: Mission Burma

    by kuryakin

    Can’t fucking wait

  • April 2, 2008, 2:14 a.m. CST

    Since it’s April 2nd…

    by BestInShow

    …maybe some of you won’t think it’s a joke. “The Hammer” has been #1 on the Top 10 favorite on Fandango for a week and a half now, and has a 96% rating on RottenTomatoes amongst the User Ratings.

  • April 2, 2008, 2:30 a.m. CST

    series 7

    by Vern

    Okay then professor of laffology, please tell me who’s making funny comedies today besides Apatow. In the last couple of years I can think of IDIOCRACY. What else am I forgetting?<p>

  • April 2, 2008, 2:33 a.m. CST

    oh yeah, BORAT

    by Vern

    That is definitely on the list of great recent non-Apatow comedies.

  • April 2, 2008, 3:19 a.m. CST

    Who’s been making funny comedies?

    by Harry Weinstein

    Pang Ho-Cheung sure as hell has. The brilliant and very quietly deranged EXODUS is THE PARALLAX VIEW of the War Of The Sexes; MEN SUDDENLY IN BLACK is the DIE HARD of marital infidelity, and BEYOND OUR KEN is just fucking devious. Ben Stiller only directs once or twice a decade, but I wouldn’t miss it when it happens because you get inspired stuff like the ZOOLANDER gasoline fight, or Robert Downey Jr. in blackface.

  • April 2, 2008, 3:57 a.m. CST

    Definitely have to say it’s a very enjoyable movie

    by iamnicksaicnsn

    Saw it in San Francisco last week and had a good time. Good humor, good story, just a good good movie.

  • April 2, 2008, 4:39 a.m. CST

    Wes Anderson

    by DonnieDorko

    Makes hilarious comedies kinda recently. And IDIOCRACY sucked. It was a kinda funny premise but as a movie it didn’t work. Would probably have worked great as a 30-min short. But Apatow is great.

  • April 2, 2008, 4:51 a.m. CST

    Donnie

    by Vern

    There is plenty wrong with IDIOCRACY but it is still funny as hell and at the same time depressing because it’s so accurate. I re-watched it recently and still liked it.<p>

    I do agree Wes Anderson is real good. I have a hard time thinking of him as in the same category as the kind of straight ahead comedies I’m thinking of but that’s probaly not fair, it’s like saying he doesn’t count because he’s too good.<p>

    Still, I would have to say that in general the state of comedy movies outside of Apatow is not too hot, at least for my sense of humor. So it is good when a movie like this comes along and makes me laugh. However apparently that means something about balls and buttfucking and Ivan Reitman, according to Series7.

  • April 2, 2008, 10:08 a.m. CST

    idiocracy is awesome

    by Lloyd Bonafide the Korean War Veteran

    why is it so underrated? i barely heard about it till it came out on video. Ow my balls. Ass. Yeah we got a time machine, but its always broken. You are an unfit mother. Carl’s Jr…FUCK YOU!!!..Im eating.

  • April 2, 2008, 11:33 a.m. CST

    IDIOCRACY

    by DonnieDorko

    I agree it had it moments but it also had it’s awkward, embarrasing moments and slow segments where you already knew where they were headed and had to wait several minutes for them to get there. The movie was too damn dumb in a way which made the humour too juvenile mixed with some smart satire, I would have loved more of the satire, less of the fartjokes and a steady tone. I loved “Office space” so I guess I had too high expectations. But I agree that Apatow is pretty alone now in creating comedy movies, so I will check out “The hammer” when I get a chance.

  • April 2, 2008, 12:29 p.m. CST

    Idiocracy

    by Vern

    I don’t think there are any actual fart jokes. There are commentaries on the existence of fart jokes. “And movies had stories, so you knew whose ass it was, and why it was farting.” But it is a flawed movie. I think the problem is that Judge’s humor is so observational that it works better on a small, somewhat realistic story than on an epic story where a guy becomes wanted and escapes execution and becomes president. Storywise it’s kind of a Saturday morning cartoon but the satire is so laser-accurate it overcomes that in my opinion.

  • April 2, 2008, 12:57 p.m. CST

    VERN’S “NEW” SITE.

    by Gilkuliehe

    Is a work of genius. Please do visit and enjoy it as much as I did. I must confess I fell for it for about twenty seconds, and that’s a place I don’t want to be, ever again. I salute you, sir. Remove spaces bla bla http://www.geocities.com/outlawvern/APRIL/VernBlog.html

  • April 2, 2008, 9:58 p.m. CST

    I like Adam Corrola

    by ebonic_plague

    …so if we all have to choose sides on this great issue of our time, I belong in the “I thought Carolla was generally pretty damn funny hosting Loveline on TV and the radio” column. But also crossindex me with the “In what kind of cruel Bizzaro dimension do we exist where we must suffer the fact that Jimmy Kimmel has his own show” column.

  • April 2, 2008, 11:47 p.m. CST

    YOU MAY NOT BE FORGETTING IT because you likely never saw it, bu

    by Spaz Medicine

    THE GRAND, by Zach Penn. Really funny, very recent comedy. But yeah, nobody will see it until it hits DVD.

  • April 3, 2008, 11:59 a.m. CST

    Vern

    by Series7

    Sorry been away from a coputer, couldn’t respond, but if you are still reading. <P> Hot Fuzz (which surprisingly there were a lot of jokes a missed the first time I saw it). I will say Hot Rod and The Heartbreak Kid were surprisingly funny, I can’t remember if it was you that put them on the worst of last year list though. Christopher Guest’s work. Will Farrel when he is working with Adam McKay. And Tenacious D in: The Pick of Destiny was very funny. Thats just to name a few. Also Feast and Murder Party were very funny horror comedies. <P> Also anything with the name Ice Cube or Friedberg/Seltzer combo, pure COMIC GOLD! Naw those last three suck. But those other ones make funny movies.

  • April 3, 2008, 4:21 p.m. CST

    Hey Guys I hope you find it.

    by travis-dane

    OLEG!

  • April 3, 2008, 4:24 p.m. CST

    Were it so easy

    by caruso_stalker217

    Actually, it was. Good work, travis. Oleg will reward you for this.

  • April 3, 2008, 4:32 p.m. CST

    Damn,good to see you caruso…..

    by travis-dane

    my whole day was fucked up.I E-Mailed Mori and some other guys,even Vern himself!But no response so far.I would like to know if it is a technical problem or if they shut us down!

  • April 3, 2008, 4:34 p.m. CST

    Oleg help them if that’s the case

    by caruso_stalker217

    Help them DIE!

  • April 3, 2008, 4:38 p.m. CST

    I have send the word to you,Stuntcock,Spandau and ironic….

    by travis-dane

    but I have just a old E-Mail thing from Bloo and his computer is down and I have no idea how to reach Binks.So if any of you sees one of them,let them know where the DTV is.

  • April 3, 2008, 4:40 p.m. CST

    If we cant get back to the DTV,I take comfort in the fact…..

    by travis-dane

    that caruso’s “Werewolf”post was the last one.Thats something at least….

  • April 3, 2008, 4:42 p.m. CST

    DAMN!6747 posts…..

    by travis-dane

    what a shame….

  • April 3, 2008, 4:43 p.m. CST

    If that truly was the last post…

    by caruso_stalker217

    …then I’m sad that I didn’t write more. WEREWOLF COP deserves better!

  • April 3, 2008, 4:48 p.m. CST

    BUT THE DTV WILL LIVE ON HERE!

    by travis-dane

    In a TB that started on your Birthday caruso!Thats cool….

  • April 3, 2008, 4:53 p.m. CST

    If you ride it, they will cum

    by caruso_stalker217

    FIELD OF CREAM.

  • April 3, 2008, 4:59 p.m. CST

    LIVE FREE OR DIE DTV!

    by travis-dane

    Damn,had to do it!

  • April 3, 2008, 5:09 p.m. CST

    Gotta go

    by caruso_stalker217

    Got shits to do.

  • April 3, 2008, 5:16 p.m. CST

    See ya caruso…..

    by travis-dane

    hope the others find their way here too!

  • April 3, 2008, 7:04 p.m. CST

    And I thought the DTV was dead…….

    by Stuntcock Mike

    NEVVAAHHHH!!!!

  • April 3, 2008, 7:05 p.m. CST

    Thanks Travis

    by Stuntcock Mike

    I was lost there for a bit.

  • April 3, 2008, 7:06 p.m. CST

    Only a few weeks until Seagology is in my mailbox!

    by Stuntcock Mike

    !!!!!!!

  • April 3, 2008, 7:13 p.m. CST

    The Degrassi movie was shocking in it’s depravity

    by Stuntcock Mike

    No one got off clean in that one. “You were fucking Tessa Campanelli?” Wheels gets loaded and kills a kid.WTF?

  • April 3, 2008, 7:23 p.m. CST

    Welcome Stuntcock!

    by travis-dane

    The Degrassi show is still running on some German TV stations!Wasnt there a Degrassi-next Generation show?

  • April 3, 2008, 8:05 p.m. CST

    Never saw this “Degrassi”

    by caruso_stalker217

    Because I’m American and we watch American television. But this Degrassi movie sounds like that short-lived “Brady Brunch” spin-off where every week something bad would happen to the Bradys. I think one of them was in a car accident and was paralyzed!

  • April 3, 2008, 8:14 p.m. CST

    Believe me, it’s crazy

    by Stuntcock Mike

    All these seasons it was a nice show for kids. Then in the series finale, they destroy every one of them. There is no “Whew, that was close, I’m glad I didn’t go into the bicycle shop”, they ALL fuck themselves up. It’s almost like the guy who made it hated the show. Great telivision.

  • April 3, 2008, 8:16 p.m. CST

    caruso, I think Degrassi was the only non-American

    by Stuntcock Mike

    show I used to watch. Canadian tv basically sucks.

  • April 3, 2008, 8:17 p.m. CST

    I finally got around to watching BLACK BOOK/ZWARTBOEK

    by caruso_stalker217

    That’s a badass movie! I thought Verhoeven was gonna try to get all respectable on my ass, but instead of being some depressing historical drama complete with a washed-out color palette that all modern WW2 movies use it actually looks like a real movie.

    <p>Since this is Verhoeven’s return to form or whatever I was expecting to see at least one cyborg and a lot of violence. I was wrong, however. There are no cyborgs, no mutants, no chicks with three tits. The violence is nowhere near ROBOCOP or TOTAL RECALL level. So I guess it’s supposed to be more like those movies he did in Europe that I’ve never seen. But then it doesn’t even have Rutger Hauer in it. There’s a guy who looks a lot like Jeroen Krabbé, though. And I bet that’s why Verhoeven cast him. Because Jeroen’s too old, I guess.

    <p>It’s kind of an unrealistic movie, since they’ve got the young Jeroen Krabbé playing a good Nazi who collects stamps. But that’s what I dig about it. I’m tired of these downbeat WW2 movies. Sometimes you just want to see a motherfucker blasting a Nazi. When the Jewish lady’s family gets blown away it’s not even in slow motion. There’s no sad music playing. And the lead Nazi looks like he’s about to start laughing maniacally at any second.

    <p>This movie has attempted prison breaks, boobs, bush, boobs, stamp-collecting Nazis who resemble Dutch actors, half-naked women being drenched in poop, and some nice natural-looking photography. So it all kinda makes up for the lack of ED-209, who I think deserved at least a cameo.

    <p>Maybe next time, Paul.

  • April 3, 2008, 8:25 p.m. CST

    I watched “Eastern Promises” today…..

    by travis-dane

    <p>and that is a DAMN fine movie.Not much action,but the charakters are fucking great.<p>Armin Muller-Stahl takes the cake,he plays the “sweet”old russian mafia boss so good,it is scary.<p>Viggo’s BALLS need a bigger part in the sequel!His BALLS rock!Balls to the wall action gets a new definition there!<p>GREAT MOVIE!<p>

  • April 3, 2008, 8:28 p.m. CST

    And Viggo has the same job as me……

    by travis-dane

    that was suprising!But the car I drive at work is better then his!Take that Russian Mafia!Thyssen-Krupp has better cars then you!HA!

  • April 3, 2008, 8:30 p.m. CST

    So Gents,I wish you a good Night,here in our new home….

    by travis-dane

    I hope we can get this sucker in the 10 tomorrow!See ya….

  • April 3, 2008, 8:38 p.m. CST

    I also had to give Verhoeven props…

    by caruso_stalker217

    …for putting a wang in the movie. Even if it’s the wang of an ugly overweight guy. They need more wang in the movies. Don’t fear the wang.

  • April 3, 2008, 8:38 p.m. CST

    Good night, travis

    by caruso_stalker217

    Have fun driving for the Russian mob.

  • April 3, 2008, 8:46 p.m. CST

    I drive for the “German Industrial Steel Mob”caruso….

    by travis-dane

    called ThyssenKrupp AG.Have a good one…..

  • April 3, 2008, 9:38 p.m. CST

    Oleg drives a Mercedes S-Class for sure

    by Stuntcock Mike

    I’m pretty sure he screwed the woman who voices the sat-nav in it.

  • April 3, 2008, 11:50 p.m. CST

    hey caruoos.. maybe werewolfcop:the cop who is a werewolf could

    by ironic_name

    Good cop / bad cop!

  • April 3, 2008, 11:51 p.m. CST

    be called..

    by ironic_name

  • April 4, 2008, 12:11 a.m. CST

    ahh, degrassi high

    by ironic_name

    I saw on the new version the one with the hat and all the badges is a bald old man.. <P> kinda terrifying

  • April 4, 2008, 12:12 a.m. CST

    ThyssenKrupp!

    by ironic_name

    they made the lifts I use at the mall! <P> thanks Travis!

  • April 4, 2008, 12:18 a.m. CST

    got new oleg news fo’ y’ass

    by ironic_name

    http://tinyurl.com/yqnj5l <P> http://tinyurl.com/ypk3zs http://tinyurl.com/2zmsh8 http://tinyurl.com/yty5o3

  • April 4, 2008, 12:21 a.m. CST

    what the fuck?

    by ironic_name

    http://tinyurl.com/25gxgo

  • April 4, 2008, 4:06 a.m. CST

    The werewolf cop has to fight a drug ring…

    by caruso_stalker217

    …controlled by a coven of witches and he finally gets to use his werewolf powers for good by fighting vampires and ghouls.

  • April 4, 2008, 4:36 a.m. CST

    by ironic_name

    http://tinyurl.com/2ygog4

  • April 4, 2008, 5:05 a.m. CST

    ironic found his way to OLEG!

    by travis-dane

    nice to see you bro!DTV!

  • April 4, 2008, 5:09 a.m. CST

    It looks like AICN has really shut down the DTV!

    by travis-dane

    They could at least post a comment over there!Just killing us AINT cool!FUCKERS!

  • April 4, 2008, 5:12 a.m. CST

    Re:”what the fuck?”…..

    by travis-dane

    Thats a “Safer Sex” add.Made by the Wimbledon winner Michael Stich and his HIV foundation….

  • April 4, 2008, 5:17 a.m. CST

    FULL ECLIPSE!Mario van Peebles as “Werewolf Cop”….

    by travis-dane

    I loved that movie back in the 90’s.It was a X-Men rip also,because the “squad” could not turn into “full” werewolfs”,but they could do some shit like in the video and all had “Wolverine”claws!Watch it if you can,it is funky DTV!

  • April 4, 2008, 6:24 a.m. CST

    because we rock

    by ironic_name

    <object width=”425″ height=”355″><param name=”movie” value=”http://www.youtube.com/v/zLpLU7D7MWk&hl=en”></param><param name=”wmode” value=”transparent”></param><embed src=”http://www.youtube.com/v/zLpLU7D7MWk&hl=en” type=”application/x-shockwave-flash” wmode=”transparent” width=”425″ height=”355″></embed></object>

  • April 4, 2008, 6:26 a.m. CST

    i give you..

    by ironic_name

  • April 4, 2008, 6:27 a.m. CST

    da shat funk

    by ironic_name

    http://tinyurl.com/yvz2kq

  • April 4, 2008, 6:31 a.m. CST

    http://tinyurl.com/ywkq88

    by ironic_name

    “There’s been more then one cop had his partner blown into ICU and came out acting like one of the bionic X-Men?”

  • April 4, 2008, 7:43 a.m. CST

    Yes, this is our talkback now.

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    DTV lives again. I gotta run, oh man, I’ll catch up with you guys later. Thanks for guiding me ironic.

  • April 4, 2008, 7:46 a.m. CST

    Vern’s Hammer

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    Can’t touch this.

  • April 4, 2008, 7:52 a.m. CST

    you guys were lucky to get over 6,000 posts in

    by just pillow talk

    before they dropped the hammer (not Vern’s) on that thread. They’ve always killed ours at 2,000.<p>BTW, Black Book and Eastern Promises were fucktastically great movies.

  • April 4, 2008, 8:10 a.m. CST

    Hi pillow,long time no see….

    by travis-dane

    where are the other “warciples”?

  • April 4, 2008, 8:11 a.m. CST

    just pillow talk, the reason we had

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    so many posts, and granted I was a johnny come lately, is that unlike say Terminator IV talkback where you had a couple of guys spewing parody titles for hours on end, we actually discussed movies. Sure, we talked about other things too, but 80 percent of what we talked about was movies as we went off on one tangent to another which led to another at any given moment. I’m just glad I ironic found me because the search engine on this site blows.

  • April 4, 2008, 8:12 a.m. CST

    Welcome Binks!

    by travis-dane

    Good to have the GunKata back!I hope Bloo finds us too.

  • April 4, 2008, 8:13 a.m. CST

    Is it me or does the Mongol trailer

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    basically look like Conan the Barbarian except it’s an Asian dude, and he has an army instead of just two friends. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, I’m just saying. The whole first half of the santized trailer reminded me of Conan.

  • April 4, 2008, 8:14 a.m. CST

    Hey travis-dane if I see Bloo first I’ll send him

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    the link. I had to re-favorite this because like I just said, as much as I love AICN, the site’s search engine blows.

  • April 4, 2008, 9:01 a.m. CST

    damn straight, I got this tb on my bookmarks toolbar

    by ironic_name

    the new first site I check. <P> a shame about the old tb, we created something amazing, anyhoo.. I’m watching humungous strangle benett <P> mel is gonna kill some bitches.

  • April 4, 2008, 9:08 a.m. CST

    Yeah Binks,the search engine sucks!….

    by travis-dane

    You and Bloo were the only ones I could not reach.Did you try the DVD to VCR thing?I hope it works.A life without DVD’s sucks!

  • April 4, 2008, 9:12 a.m. CST

    See ya later,have to work…..

    by travis-dane

    ÖLEG!

  • April 4, 2008, 9:32 a.m. CST

    WHAT is this?

    by Series7

    what are you TB hooligans doing here? I have repeatedly return to this thread now to see if my dearest Vern wanted to keep challenging the fact that Apatow is not the only funny guy still making movies. And to my surprise what do I find? NONsense? I did not follow the DTV drama of ought 8. I remember posting a few things in its initial conception but got bored with following along with all your hip-cat young TB speak. <P> So now it seems a group of you are trying to make this thread your stomping ground? Why so? <p> On top of that Eastern Promises was a fucking horrible movie. Boring and you all sucked them big ole croney lovin Aragorn balls for it. It wasn’t a surprise that Eastern Promises sucked. Every acclaimed movie in 07 sucked. All movies fucking earning the highest of praise from across the land, just fucking sucked. Yeah they were all solid movies but nothing about them ever screamed CLASSIC! And I feel that Promises was the second biggest critically hyped movie (behind No Country for a Serious Version of Raising Arizona Old Man) let down. If someone had told me that this was part of a miniseries (on TV) or a british show pilot. Then yes it would have been very cool. But as a single stand alone movie? There was nothing to it, it didn’t go anywhere. It either needed to go on for another hour, or say “Next week on Russian Mob”. 07 was a big year for BIG endings. And OH you didn’t get it because you didn’t like the end. No I get it and the movie was just not enough. Just like History of Violence. Fucking go watch 80’s Cronenberg and tell me that this holds a candle next to any of those movies. I really should be working.

  • April 4, 2008, 10:32 a.m. CST

    Series7, pray that Oleg doesn’t find you..

    by ironic_name

    or you will regret that for the rest of your life. <P> INT: NIGHT: CLOSE UP <P> both seconds of it.

  • April 4, 2008, 10:35 a.m. CST

    or pray 2for2true doesn’t find him

    by just pillow talk

    Pencil jihad always has room for one more….<p>travis, not sure. I believe my fellow warciples are pursing redemption for their souls in different ways than posting to AICN nowadays…

  • April 4, 2008, 10:42 a.m. CST

    by ironic_name

    Oh! Demolition, demolition

    Demolition, demolition

    Tied to the tracks and the train’s fast coming

    Strapped to the wing with the engine running

    You say that this wasn’t in your plan

    And don’t mess around with the demolition man

    Tied to a chair, and the bomb is ticking

    This situation was not of your picking

    You say that this wasn’t in your plan

    And don’t mess around with the demolition man

    I’m a walking nightmare, an arsenal of doom

    I kill conversation as I walk into the room

    I’m a three line whip, I’m the sort of thing they ban

    I’m a walking disaster, I’m a demolition man

    Demolition, demolition

    Demolition, demolition

    You come to me like a moth to the flame

    It’s love you need but I don’t play that game

    ‘Cause you could be my greatest fan

    But I’m nobody’s friend, I’m a demolition man

    I’m a walking nightmare, an arsenal of doom

    I kill conversation as I walk into the room

    I’m a three line whip, I’m the sort of thing they ban

    I’m a walking disaster, I’m a demolition man

    Demolition, demolition

    Demolition, demolition

    Tied to the tracks and the train’s fast coming

    Strapped to the wing with the engine running

    You say that this wasn’t in your plan

    And don’t mess around with the demolition man

    Tied to a chair, and the bomb is ticking

    This situation was not of your picking

    You say that this wasn’t in your plan

    And don’t mess around with the demolition man

  • April 4, 2008, 10:50 a.m. CST

    d’oh!

    by ironic_name

    Oh! Demolition, demolition

    Demolition, demolition <P>

    Tied to the tracks and the train’s fast coming <P>

    Strapped to the wing with the engine running <P>

    You say that this wasn’t in your plan

    And don’t mess around with the demolition man <P>

    Tied to a chair, and the bomb is ticking <P>

    This situation was not of your picking <P>

    You say that this wasn’t in your plan

    And don’t mess around with the demolition man

    <P>

    I’m a walking nightmare, an arsenal of doom <P>

    I kill conversation as I walk into the room <P>

    I’m a three line whip, I’m the sort of thing they ban <P>

    I’m a walking disaster, I’m a demolition man <P>

    Demolition, demolition <P>

    Demolition, demolition <P>

    You come to me like a moth to the flame <P>

    It’s love you need but I don’t play that game <P>

    ‘Cause you could be my greatest fan

    But I’m nobody’s friend, I’m a demolition man <P>

    I’m a walking nightmare, an arsenal of doom <P>

    I kill conversation as I walk into the room <P>

    I’m a three line whip, I’m the sort of thing they ban <P>

    I’m a walking disaster, I’m a demolition man <P>

    Demolition, demolition <P>

    Demolition, demolition <P>

  • April 4, 2008, 10:53 a.m. CST

    and

    by ironic_name

    http://tinyurl.com/4pm3td

  • April 4, 2008, 11 a.m. CST

    WHOA!Series7 is a tough dude…….

    by travis-dane

    I bet his BALLS are shaved.

  • April 4, 2008, 11:04 a.m. CST

    I watched “Clerks2” and enjoyed it very much!

    by travis-dane

    I love LOTR bashing.FUCK Peter Jackson!

  • April 4, 2008, 11:22 a.m. CST

    Hey guys,Vern send me a E-Mail…..

    by travis-dane

    he says that he E-Mailed Harry and Mori,to find out whats going on.Maybe they tell Vern what happend…..

  • April 4, 2008, 11:23 a.m. CST

    Series7, I respectfully disagree

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    Sure we banter a little bit, but like I mentioned in my previous post, but we like everyone else of course talk about er …movies. We say the same thing you said in your third graph about Eastern Promises. As a matter of fact, now that I’ve heard good things about it, and then bad things from you, it only makes me want to see it more. Also if you’ll note we don’t bash on other talbacks, okay, there are a few exceptions, and even if we had a way to make this post ours, we wouldn’t say “no you can’t come and play” to anyone who has anything intelligent to say. I’ll even go one step further. If Vern is out there reading this, and finds it annoying, I’ll stop posting on this thread. Since he didn’t say jack a few days ago when the first thread had over 6000 posts I’d say he’s okay with it. But Vern, I’ll leave that up to you.

  • April 4, 2008, 11:26 a.m. CST

    Well I typed my previous post

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    before reading the one you just sent travi-dane. I stand by my word. If Vern says jokes over, back off and stop playing in the talkback I can respect that. But again as I mentioned since he just sent us the box the other day ,and didn’t say jack about it I figured he was cool with us playing around.

  • April 4, 2008, 11:30 a.m. CST

    my brother almost stopped the production of LOTR

    by ironic_name

    pj didn’t wanna pay for the computers he bought. <P> I didn’t believe my bro but then there was aicns catchphrase “pj is cookin the books” and thought bro was on to something, and remember kate fischer? bro says she flirted with him. <P> but hey, I flirted with megan gale! <P> that remionds me, I saw shu qi yesterday, I followed her for but she got away. <P> it might’ve been some girl, but megan and me had cheersex <P> http://tinyurl.com/4qujwh

  • April 4, 2008, 11:32 a.m. CST

    remoinds is scandinavian for reminds

    by ironic_name

  • April 4, 2008, 11:33 a.m. CST

    t might’ve been some girl that looked like shu qi

    by ironic_name

    now I snooze

  • April 4, 2008, 11:36 a.m. CST

    and if you wanna know what “OLEG” is about..

    by ironic_name

    http://tinyurl.com/3h5evq http://tinyurl.com/54lo64 http://tinyurl.com/4r725j http://tinyurl.com/3qk9oe http://tinyurl.com/3gtb23

  • April 4, 2008, 11:36 a.m. CST

    and if you wanna know what “OLEG” is about..

    by ironic_name

    http://tinyurl.com/3h5evq http://tinyurl.com/54lo64 http://tinyurl.com/4r725j http://tinyurl.com/3qk9oe http://tinyurl.com/3gtb23

  • April 4, 2008, 11:41 a.m. CST

    ironic,do you know a movie named”Ferryman”…..

    by travis-dane

    I think it is a NZ production.A little horror film,maybe you have seen it?

  • April 4, 2008, 11:47 a.m. CST

    BTW,I think “our”DTV TB was one of the best TB’s ever!

    by travis-dane

    It was a “bitch/troll”free zone,with some good movie talk and lot of DTV love.AND we did not bother anybody else.We deserve better then to simply be shutdown without a comment from AICN!

  • April 4, 2008, 11:51 a.m. CST

    Damn,back in the 10…..

    by travis-dane

    <p>without even trying!<p>OLEG is still with us!<p>

  • April 4, 2008, 12:12 p.m. CST

    Go see the Hammer

    by BrightEyes

    Ace Rockolla is the man!

  • April 4, 2008, 12:28 p.m. CST

    Sorry BrightEyes I find Corrolla

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    so not funny. From the bits and pieces I occasionally catch of him and Dr. Drew I keep waiting for him to be funny, and it doesn’t happen. I don’t know how is DJ gig is, but he just doesn’t work for me.

  • April 4, 2008, 12:43 p.m. CST

    Who is Ace Rockolla…..

    by travis-dane

    his fame has not reached Germany yet?But Eli Roth says “The Hammer”is good.

  • April 4, 2008, 12:47 p.m. CST

    Have to watch BSG now…..

    by travis-dane

    see ya later guys.DTV!

  • April 4, 2008, 1:43 p.m. CST

    Have to be at work in an hour and a half…

    by caruso_stalker217

    …so I thought I’d pop in for a moment and not really contribute anything.

    <p>My work here is done.

  • April 4, 2008, 1:44 p.m. CST

    Well I don’t not shave my balls

    by Series7

    I enjoy the nice musk coming from my loins at the end of a day. It smells of pride. Shaved balled men have no pride….plus I did it once and my chest and yeah all sorts of bad. I looked like a five year old. I’ll rock my chest hair and just let my pubes hang out. <P> travis-dane do you ever just hang out with your pubes out?

  • April 4, 2008, 1:50 p.m. CST

    Well then Grammaton Cleric Binks

    by Series7

    who run Bartertown?

  • April 4, 2008, 1:55 p.m. CST

    Series7

    by caruso_stalker217

    I think it’s safe to assume that we all enjoy letting our pubes hang out. Are we not men?

  • April 4, 2008, 1:58 p.m. CST

    I’d say Vern is MasterBlaster or

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    maybe all us geeks combined are Blaster, and Vern is the tiny little smart guy on our back who runs the show for this talkback.

  • April 4, 2008, 2:02 p.m. CST

    Just read that ew.com list of the 20 worst comic book movies…

    by caruso_stalker217

    …and I can’t believe they left out CAPTAIN AMERICA

  • April 4, 2008, 2:10 p.m. CST

    But Captain American wasn’t big screen

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    was he? They better have Tank Girl on the list. That movie blew. Malcolm McDowell slumming, and Ice-T as a kangaroo mutant? ‘Nuff said.

  • April 4, 2008, 2:13 p.m. CST

    TANK GIRL is on the list

    by caruso_stalker217

    I only caught the last ten seconds of it and I could tell it was fucking terrible.

    <p>You’re right, Binks. CAPTAIN AMERICA went straight to video, though I think it originally was intended for a theatrical release. I guess it’s just too obscure for Entertainment Weekly to notice. But they also have some movie with Brooke Shields on there called BRENDA STARR. I’ve never heard of the bitch.

  • April 4, 2008, 2:15 p.m. CST

    They also said…

    by caruso_stalker217

    …that Lori Petty can’t carry a film by herself, which I think is just mean. She had ONE movie she had to carry and that was TANK GIRL. The deck was stacked against her.

  • April 4, 2008, 2:31 p.m. CST

    Brenda Starr is not a comic book character

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    but a character from the comics pages like Mary Worth or one of the other adult (not that kind of adult) comics. I never knew they made a movie of it. I need to disagree on Petty. While it was mean the way they said it probably I don’t think she can carry a movie as a lead. She has always done supporting roles, and done them pretty well. She’s no favorite of mine, but she’s okay. I find her voice slightly irritating, but maybe it’s just me.

  • April 4, 2008, 2:43 p.m. CST

    Well, I can imagine her playing the lead in a smaller film

    by caruso_stalker217

    A hooker with a heart of gold kind of thing. Yeah.

  • April 4, 2008, 3:07 p.m. CST

    Lori Petty,have not heard that name in a long time…..

    by travis-dane

    she was good in “Point Break”.But Gary Busey owned that one!Angelo Pappas rules!

  • April 4, 2008, 3:15 p.m. CST

    Yeah Series7,shaving is not “macho”enough…..

    by travis-dane

    <p>waxing your BALLS is way more fun!<p>And of course you need the old “Ladyshave/Asscrack”routine.Nothing beats a Ladyshaved asscrack,it is soooo smooth.I like a smooth slide in…..yumie…<p>

  • April 4, 2008, 3:50 p.m. CST

    The Bookhouse Boys are back in business!

    by Spandau Belly

    Good to see all you guys, I was affraid you’d been assassinated or something.<br><br>I guess I’ll make a few posts to pick up on some points I wanted to touch on when the last TB froze up.

  • April 4, 2008, 3:56 p.m. CST

    #1 Caruso, yes you did inspire me

    by Spandau Belly

    After reading your set up for Werewolf Cop, I just started tossing ideas around in my head for my own werewolf movie and came up with Wolf Pope.<br><br>I think that like with Soul Heir, your werewolf movie actually stands a chance at respectibility. Especially if you worked in a bunch of metaphors for werewolfism to alcholism and how people use drunkeness/werewolfery as an excuse to do things they normally wouldn’t. I could see Croney directing it and it ending up in the Criterion collection.<br><br> Whereas my werewolf movie could maybe win Best Fight Scene at the MTV awards, which I would attend to receive the award but pinch Sophia Bush’s ass on the red carpet and have to accept the award live via telecast from the dumpster right outside while two bouncers railed on me.

  • April 4, 2008, 4:04 p.m. CST

    #2 Over The Top is genre-defying masterpiece

    by Spandau Belly

    You’re right about it constantly seeming to set up movies that it doesn’t really become. They establish a character who has big arms, long brewing grudges againsy guys with bigger arms, is a class warrior, drives a big truck, and is in a custody battle against an evil rich guy who hires kidnapper goons though it never becomes an action movie. They have that scene where Stallone rescues the kid from the kidnappers, and the part where drives through the mansion’s front entrance, but those are kinda red herrings to make you think you’ll get some sort of action feature.

    <br><br>It’s most like a sports drama I guess, so it’s funny that they chose a sport that requires no real skill or strategy, just the biggest arm and the ability to move it one motion.<br><br>There’s also lots of good stuff that makes no sense when you think about it. Like how Stallone has been writing his 10 year old kid letters his whole life but has never dropped by or called? Or why the prize for the arm wrestling competition is a giant bigrig truck? I mean, I know that’s what Stallone wants in the movie, but are all arm-wrestlers automatically truck drivers or vice versa?<br><br>So in conclusion: Total Classic

  • April 4, 2008, 4:05 p.m. CST

    Fuck Yeah!Spandau is here!

    by travis-dane

    The Cage Master is Back too!Now we need to get Bloo back and the DTV band is back together!OLEG!

  • April 4, 2008, 4:06 p.m. CST

    Hail, hail, the gang’s almost all here

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    We gott keep an eye out for Bloo

  • April 4, 2008, 4:08 p.m. CST

    Stallone threw Terry Funk threw a glass door

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    what’s not to love about Over the Top. Hagar Rocks, and the Kenny Loggins movie theme machine kept rolling. Classic 80s. I hated the kid though, he needed to get that stick out of his third point of contact.

  • April 4, 2008, 4:09 p.m. CST

    Over the Top had TERRY FUNK!

    by travis-dane

    Terry Funk=GOLD!

  • April 4, 2008, 4:10 p.m. CST

    Damn Binks,you beat me to it!

    by travis-dane

  • April 4, 2008, 4:11 p.m. CST

    Same with Roadhouse

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    again, what’s not to love about a Terry Funk beatdown.

  • April 4, 2008, 4:11 p.m. CST

    Beat you on that too

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    beotch

  • April 4, 2008, 4:13 p.m. CST

    I’ll cut you some slack travis-dane

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    it’s getting to be past your bedtime. Over here I gotta leave in a minute and make dinner. I’m not whipped, it’s a survival thing. You know the song “If you want to be Happy” The gist is hot wife = bad cook, and ugly wife = good cook. My wife is not a good cook.

  • April 4, 2008, 4:13 p.m. CST

    #3 “You fucked Tessa Campenelli?!?!”

    by Spandau Belly

    Didn’t we all?

  • April 4, 2008, 4:13 p.m. CST

    BTW,the “EVIL”armwrestler was in one of the….

    by travis-dane

    <p>BEST Italian DTV movies ever!called:<p>ATOMIC CYBORG!<p>Everybody who knows that one has my BIGGEST respect!Check it out:<p>http://tinyurl.com/638pac<p>

  • April 4, 2008, 4:14 p.m. CST

    I gotta cook soon too

    by Spandau Belly

    But I have no wife. I’ll be cooking for one.

  • April 4, 2008, 4:15 p.m. CST

    The evil armrestler also got his ass handed to

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    him in The Presidio when Connery used only his thumb to beat him.

  • April 4, 2008, 4:15 p.m. CST

    Try Chef Lonely Heart

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    as seen in The Simpsons.

  • April 4, 2008, 4:20 p.m. CST

    Spandau and caruso,you should do a Crossover…..

    by travis-dane

    PopeWolfCop:Baptized by the Claw!

  • April 4, 2008, 4:25 p.m. CST

    Everytime I see the Top10 list and the post count….

    by travis-dane

    it makes me cry a little…..

  • April 4, 2008, 4:29 p.m. CST

    Spandau ,here is one for you…..

    by travis-dane

    http://tinyurl.com/4mlhgg

  • April 4, 2008, 4:39 p.m. CST

    The only thing we’re missing besides Bloo

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    is a black box from Vern saying “Oh crap, I thought I got rid of you guys.”

  • April 4, 2008, 4:40 p.m. CST

    thanks Travis

    by Spandau Belly

    I think I’m more interested in that The Cook movie you sent me a few days ago. This Wikced Lake one does have potential to go full-on Russ Meyer, though I doubt it will. I guess we’ll have to wait for me to win the lottery and finance my own movies before we get a second coming of Russ Meyer.

  • April 4, 2008, 4:43 p.m. CST

    Binks, I doubt Vern dispises us

    by Spandau Belly

    Us DTV crew are actually exemplary talkbackers in that we’re respectful of others views and actually discuss films in a thoughtful manner. I guess we get a little into catchphrasology every now and then, but we’re definately the creme of the crop around here.

  • April 4, 2008, 4:45 p.m. CST

    Yeah, I was just joking. If he hated us the plug

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    would have been pulled a long time ago. But, to quote Han Solo. “Great kid, now don’t get cocky.”

  • April 4, 2008, 4:48 p.m. CST

    By the way travis-dane I tried your suggestion

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    of running the DVD video input through the VCR, but that didn’t work either. It’s just time for this TV to go, so unfortunately I am in VHS limbo indefinitely. Thank goodness for You Tube.

  • April 4, 2008, 4:55 p.m. CST

    Like I said above,Vern send me a E-Mail….

    by travis-dane

    <p>and responded to my “Help” E-Mail,by saying he contacted the powers to be at AICN.Maybe we get a answer about what happend.<p>Maybe we used up to much Bandwith?<p>Maybe somebody at AICN is pissed at us?<p>It just makes no sense to pull the plug on a good 6747 post TB without even saying a word.<p>AICN gave the LOST TB 10.000 posts,why not us?<p>Maybe it is a technical problem?<p>I mean,it is just a TB,but a little decency would be nice.Without us,the TalckBack people,there is no AICN!<p>

  • April 4, 2008, 4:58 p.m. CST

    The funny things is at the moment we’re ahead

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    of a Frank Miller talkback. It almost seems sacrilegious. I know I must have spelled that wrong.

  • April 4, 2008, 5 p.m. CST

    Sad to hear that Binks……

    by travis-dane

    <p>maybe you want to try this link,if not nevermind… <p>http://tinyurl.com/2sxsy4<p>

  • April 4, 2008, 6:12 p.m. CST

    Here is DTV GOLD!a clip from”ATOMIC CYBORG!”

    by travis-dane

    <p>aka “Hands of Steel” aka “Paco”…<p>WATCH the FULL clip,it is worth it! <p>http://tinyurl.com/6dtxks<p> ENJOY!<p>

  • April 4, 2008, 6:30 p.m. CST

    Dawn of the Dead…..in Russian?Johnny Cash rules….

    by travis-dane

    http://tinyurl.com/3lzf7x

  • April 4, 2008, 6:37 p.m. CST

    I kept waiting to see why this was

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    so good. Sure it seemed like your typical DTV velveeta cheesiness. Then I got to 4:16 and then it was like oh yeah. The clip after on You Tube was even better. http://de.youtube.com/watch?v=hRLkHVAXREo&NR=1

  • April 4, 2008, 6:38 p.m. CST

    Anyone remember the arm wrestling scene

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    from The Fly? That was super nasty.

  • April 4, 2008, 6:40 p.m. CST

    Johnny Cash/Dawn of the Dead

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    Ha, that was funny. It sounds like something Tarrantino would have done.

  • April 4, 2008, 6:59 p.m. CST

    Yeah Binks,that scene from “Atomic Cyborg”….

    by travis-dane

    is a good one!Damn,I ate that movie up as a kid.I need to try and get that on DVD somehow!Paco….

  • April 4, 2008, 7:02 p.m. CST

    And who could forget how Jeff Goldblum rips that….

    by travis-dane

    poor dudes arm in two!”Bones sticking out”scenes are gruesome.Remember Bolo kicking the other dudes shin in two in Bloodsport?That was nasty too….

  • April 4, 2008, 7:54 p.m. CST

    Good Night guys……

    by travis-dane

    see ya tomorrow.OLEG!

  • April 4, 2008, 8:02 p.m. CST

    If you guys are still awake

    by Series7

    I see you talked about over the top. And I pretty much model my life after Sly. SOOO I recorded F.I.S.T. last night. Haven’t watched it. Don’t know too much about. Whats the call? Remember I have nominated Rambo as the best movie in the last five years.

  • April 4, 2008, 9:10 p.m. CST

    Federation of InterState Truckers

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    I saw that movie ages ago. I was still a kid, and saw it on TV. It seemed really good then, but I’m not sure how it holds up or what I thought was cool when I was a kid really sucks now. Anyway FIST is basically a movie about a trucking union. It’s pretty much pseudo biopic of a Jimmy Hoffa type character and the teamsters. I don’t even recall the plot other than Sly comes out on top from bum to organizing the union. A cross between Rocky and Jimmy Hoffa I guess. If I’m not getting it mixed up with the movie Hoffa I recall one scene where some huge guy is recently hired, he carries a couple boxes, the boss makes him pile on more, he spills them all and the tomatoes go everywhere. This huge man is brought to his knees crying like a baby because the boss says he has to pay 50 cents for the damages. Not much now of course, but back then it was probably docking the guy a days pay or two with a family to feed in the depression era. So Sly and another guy revolt, and throw the tomatoes at the boss. I’m pretty sure it was this movie.

  • April 4, 2008, 9:25 p.m. CST

    DTV disappointment. Okay it wasn’t DTV but

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    it was a made for TV movie. Prairie Fever. On the surface it looks sort of cool; Kevin Sorbo, Lance Henricksen, Don Swayze. Actually the movies over in 40 minutes. I’m still watching it, why I don’t know. Lance is hardly in it. Don is his usual sleazy guy role self. Sorbo is okay. He’s an ex-sheriff who’s wife was killed while he’s trying to stop a robbery. He crawls into a bottle, long story short is he’s hired to bring these mail order brides back to their home. They couldn’t handle the west,and have allsort of flipped out in one way or another. Hence, prairie fever. The commercials made it look cool, it isn’t. It’s a two hour long Little House episode with bullets. Ugh.

  • April 4, 2008, 9:55 p.m. CST

    “the Man Comes Around”

    by ironic_name

    Johnny knew about oleg!

  • April 4, 2008, 10:01 p.m. CST

    another reason I think the other DTV tb was good was

    by ironic_name

    not only did we talk about films, <PP> we talked about making an adaptation of our nonexistent movies, this wasn’t just catchphrases , it was a revolution! <P> I hope we get it reinstated, but if not, we can endure.

  • April 4, 2008, 10:20 p.m. CST

    cartridge of unified nano tech/heavy overseeing laser emiter

    by ironic_name

    or C.U.N.T/H.O.L.E, a laser weapon that hitler uses in WS2

  • April 4, 2008, 10:24 p.m. CST

    BIo Genetic emmiter of super tensile..

    by ironic_name

  • April 4, 2008, 10:26 p.m. CST

    Depleted iridescent core krypton

    by ironic_name

    or B.I.G.E.S.T.D.I.C.K <P> which is miss spelled, fuck.

  • April 4, 2008, 10:29 p.m. CST

    B.I.G.G.E.S.T.D.I.C.K is Oleg’s gun in WS2

    by ironic_name

    the other G is gun. <P> BIo Genetic Gun emmiter of super tensile Depleted iridescent core krypton

  • April 4, 2008, 10:33 p.m. CST

    or maybe it’s itzak’s great great grandson’s weapon

    by ironic_name

    maybe oleg just needs a knife, he jumps out of the space ship high above hitler’s complex on the moon with just a knife, and uses it to cut into the side of a building, like the ripper in last action hero does in the theater at the end of the movie.

  • April 4, 2008, 10:39 p.m. CST

    aryan security service/heavy öbenwaffe life ender soldiers

    by ironic_name

    or A.S.S.H.Ö.L.E.S

  • April 5, 2008, 12:04 a.m. CST

    ADAM CAROLLA IS MY HERO

    by BrightEyes

    Go see this film and support The Hammer, he’s putting all his own money into getting it out for people to enjoy, and it really is the funniest released film to come out yet. ACE ROCKOLA!

  • April 5, 2008, 2:52 a.m. CST

    Too tired to contribute

    by caruso_stalker217

    I’ll have to hit this shit up tomorrow before I go to work. But since we’re talking W2 I thought I’d repost my totally awesome poster:

    <p>http://tinyurl.com/2t29qb

  • April 5, 2008, 2:53 a.m. CST

    And some Milla, why not?

    by caruso_stalker217

    http://tinyurl.com/3wqtlh

  • April 5, 2008, 4:50 a.m. CST

    boioioioioioioioing!

    by ironic_name

    why not!

  • April 5, 2008, 4:52 a.m. CST

    the ayahtola of rock’n’rolla!

    by ironic_name

    ACE ROCKOLA!

  • April 5, 2008, 6:05 a.m. CST

    MILLA!

    by travis-dane

    caruso knows how to make a good morning call!

  • April 5, 2008, 6:13 a.m. CST

    F.I.S.T……

    by travis-dane

    like Binks,I saw that movie ages ago.I think most of what Binks has written is accurate.I remember that Sly’s character goes from young man to old powerfull corrupt man,but the “old” man part was not very convincing.Sly just does not look old(some grey hair is not enough).But watch the movie and see for yourself.

  • April 5, 2008, 7:12 a.m. CST

    caruso,ironic and Stuntcock……

    by travis-dane

    you should check your MySpace sites.I have interesting news about the DTV TB.Spandau,I have send you a E-Mail about it.Binks,how can I contact you?

  • April 5, 2008, 7:21 a.m. CST

    nothing yet, travolta denmark

    by ironic_name

  • April 5, 2008, 7:39 a.m. CST

    F.I.S.T.

    by ironic_name

    sounds like cobra made another porno!

    <P>28pd6k

  • April 5, 2008, 7:45 a.m. CST

    Maybe we should “Fuck Off” in the Zone?

    by travis-dane

    I registered there,but I dont know…

  • April 5, 2008, 7:50 a.m. CST

    ok, so vern seems to think we should move our sillyness..

    by ironic_name

    to the zone,

    I guess I’m cool with that. <P> but the registering and mass exodus of all of us would be a shame, but hey, OLEG will be back in warsaw symphony, right on the front page soon!

    <P> gotta sleep, sick feeling. I love you, OLEG.

  • April 5, 2008, 7:57 a.m. CST

    ok, i signed up

    by ironic_name

    really gotta sleep. <P> i’ll see what you guys decide tomorrow, remember to float like a leaf on the river of life, an kill old lady.

  • April 5, 2008, 8:01 a.m. CST

    if we move, whoever makes first post should copy the whole dtv t

    by ironic_name

    as first post. goodnight, and remember hookers and coke await in Valhalla.

  • April 5, 2008, 8:34 a.m. CST

    I have Fucked Offed to the Zone

    by Spandau Belly

    I started a thread in General Interest called O.L.E.G.<br><br>Maybe you fellas would like to join me there.

  • April 5, 2008, 11:05 a.m. CST

    I am there Spandau….

    by travis-dane

    I hope the others join too….DTV!

  • April 5, 2008, 1:35 p.m. CST

    travis, he’s just being nice ’cause I bought his book

    by Stuntcock Mike

    I’m joking of course. Vern’s the man.

  • April 5, 2008, 5:50 p.m. CST

    Yup Stuntcock…..

    by travis-dane

    Vern is the Man!

  • April 5, 2008, 6:12 p.m. CST

    GREAT MOVIE — GO SEE IT !!

    by jimthomas

    Vern’s assessment was right on. What a thoroughly enjoyable film, an honest piece of entertainment — funny and sweet but never overindulgent. Carolla really did right with this one — and we owe it to ourselves to support this endeavor. You WON’T be disappointed!

  • April 6, 2008, 1:34 a.m. CST

    I can’t find the O.L.E.G. thread.

    by ironic_name

    I finished the zombie and am ready to go on ws.

  • April 6, 2008, 1:51 a.m. CST

    olga jumps out of a plane and lands in the forest!

    by ironic_name

    http://tinyurl.com/4fdl56

  • April 6, 2008, 1:55 a.m. CST

    jcvd!

    by ironic_name

    http://tinyurl.com/3hmn2t

  • April 6, 2008, 5:53 a.m. CST

    ironic…….

    by travis-dane

    <p>heres the link ti OLEG! <p>http://tinyurl.com/4zllwx<p>

VERN has been reviewing movies since 1999 and is the author of the books SEAGALOGY: A STUDY OF THE ASS-KICKING FILMS OF STEVEN SEAGAL, YIPPEE KI-YAY MOVIEGOER!: WRITINGS ON BRUCE WILLIS, BADASS CINEMA AND OTHER IMPORTANT TOPICS and NIKETOWN: A NOVEL. His horror-action novel WORM ON A HOOK will arrive later this year.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 1st, 2008 at 6:43 am and is filed under AICN, Comedy/Laffs, Reviews, Romance, Sport. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

One Response to “Vern Gives You… THE HAMMER!”

  1. I listened to his podcast religiously for about a few months, maybe more. Now with gritted teeth, I have to give his show props for turning me on to the format. I liked the Loveline radio show better than the MTV one, had more of a looser format and him and Drew would just shoot the shit on the air sometimes. But I had my fill of Carolla, especially after hearing his view on the OWS protests. It doesn’t exactly surprise me Adam now has a gig at Fox News, taking Dennis Miller’s place on O’Reilly’s show. Despite being an Atheist, for pot legalization and gay marriage (not to fond of “the gays” themselves though it seems, perfect for someone so obsessed with Ska as he is), it does make sense he made this turn now. I still maintain he would have made an excellent host of the U.S. TOP GEAR though, he’s the perfect American counterpart to Jeremy Clarkson.

    That all said, I enjoyed this movie for what it was. I saw it right in the middle of that aforementioned period where I tuned in to his stuff* but I could probably still watch it today and not feel it was time wasted. Carolla’s essentially just playing the movie version of himself, with a romantic slant. You are right about it feeling more “real” than most comedies do now. The blue-collar aspect of it especially, from what I remember.

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