As a special favor to the world, I’ll try to make this column a little bit less of a bummer. That means I won’t get to the part about the government setting children on fire until LATER in the column. First we’re gonna talk about Star Trek, Spiderman and crap like that. And I’m gonna throw in a little photojournalism.
The famous summer movie season is almost upon us. Unfortunately there’s not much to look forward to here and virtually nothin in the Badass category. I think the only action movie I’m planning to see is XXX starring Vin Diesel. No, this is not pornography, although I have a growing collection of that thanks to dedicated reader Jeremiah who continues to send me free movie screeners and pornography dvds. If anyone else would like to join in this important cause drop me a line.
Anyway triple X is the latest from FAST AND THE FURIOUS directionist Rob whatsisdick, and in it Mr. Diesel plays an “extreme sports athlete” (that’s what they call the snowboarding potheads from the Mountain Dew commercials) turned James Bond type special agent. So he does many stunts involving bikes, snowboards, jumping out of cars, etc. 2000 Outlaw Award Winner Samuel L. Jackson is in a supporting role with half his face burnt off, as the wisecracking boss. I hope there is one part where he yells “Triple X! I want you in my office RIGHT NOW!” and then Vin Diesel comes in on rollerblades.
This looks like the corniest crap since YAMASAKI and it could be equally entertaining.
Probaly the most anticipated movie of the summer is Spiderman, about some guy in a red bodysuit who swings around on ropes. I never understood why a spiderman would be bright red, have only two legs and be not at all hairy, but what the fuck do I know. (more…)
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