I'm not trying to be a hero! I'M FIGHTING THE DRAGON!!

Archive for August, 1999

Men in Black

Monday, August 30th, 1999

Anybody seen this movie. its probaly pretty old but – I just got out so I haven’t seen that many movies, but i just saw men in black at a girl’s house and it wasn’t that bad. personally i thought it was pretty stupid but there was some funny shit at times. she liked it i think i will ask her if i see her again (probly well, wink).

a couple a comments – number one, the black guy is okay i guess, but i don’t think he would last long inside. number two, i guess it was pretty funny at times. the woman, whatserfuck, she looked pretty good. (read the rest of this shit…)

VERN has been reviewing movies since 1999 and is the author of the books SEAGALOGY: A STUDY OF THE ASS-KICKING FILMS OF STEVEN SEAGAL, YIPPEE KI-YAY MOVIEGOER!: WRITINGS ON BRUCE WILLIS, BADASS CINEMA AND OTHER IMPORTANT TOPICS and NIKETOWN: A NOVEL. His horror-action novel WORM ON A HOOK will arrive later this year.

American Beauty

Saturday, August 21st, 1999

To be frankly honest I almost left off the review of sam mendes American beauty because it was not really my personality in my opinion. Although i worked very hard on it I also had a dude edit spelling errors, grammar etc. for me and looking back it is really not me, it is really not VERN. Too slick, mainstream and hollywood in my opinion. I had been gone from the newsgroup after an incident of hurting a man’s feelings and going in search of myself. I wanted to show that I had really improved as a Writer however this was not very honest to have another man’s help. So please don’t read this review in my opinion thanks.

AMERICAN BEAUTY (1999)
Directed by Sam Mendes
Written by Alan Ball

AMERICAN BEAUTY deals with the ugly sins and denial carefully buried beneath the manicured green lawns of a typical suburban neighborhood. A failed marriage, a daughter’s distrust of her parents, a father’s crush on her daughter’s underaged friend. The new neighbor (Chris Cooper) beats his pot dealing voyeurist son and ignores his emotionally disfigured wife. A failing real estate agent played by Annette Bening philosophizes about projecting an image of total success, but an emotional breakdown leads to her husband Lester (Kevin Spacey) quitting his job, taking up pot and systematically tearing down the perfect image of suburban happiness that his wife has so carefully constructed. Soon all hell breaks loose and a nasty splooge of anger and violence surfaces from beneath the façade. This sort of subject matter has been tackled many times before – we’re not exactly blowing the lid off of suburbia here – but it’s well executed and draws you in almost immediately. (read the rest of this shit…)

VERN has been reviewing movies since 1999 and is the author of the books SEAGALOGY: A STUDY OF THE ASS-KICKING FILMS OF STEVEN SEAGAL, YIPPEE KI-YAY MOVIEGOER!: WRITINGS ON BRUCE WILLIS, BADASS CINEMA AND OTHER IMPORTANT TOPICS and NIKETOWN: A NOVEL. His horror-action novel WORM ON A HOOK will arrive later this year.

The Sixth Sense

Friday, August 6th, 1999

This is one of Bruce’s more gentle movies where he is not a Badass. There is not exploding in this one and he never says a funny line after he kills someone because, to be frankly honest, he never kills ANYONE in this movie. However despite this disappointment I think alot of motherfuckers will like this movie if it catches on on the videos.

Bruce plays Malcolm Crowe, a psychologist type dude who just won an award for his work with the children. Unfortunately a naked guy is in his bathroom and shoots him. Turns out naked man was a former patient of his and lets face it, SOMEBODY dropped the ball on this kid he ends up in Bruce’s bathroom, waving a gun around, WITH NO CLOTHES ON. I have known a lot of motherfuckers who shot people or broke into their houses, some with no shirts on. This is pretty popular in fact for guys with big muscles or tattoos of any kind. Even a guy who has just a Tasmanian devil tattoo wants to show it off for some reason, I mean jesus christ these tattoo guys and their vanity. Anyway sometimes guys do it with no shirt on, and sometimes guys do it in their boxer shorts, when it’s on short notice and they didn’t have time to put pants on. You know, crimes of passion. But in another mans’ house WITH NO CLOTHES let me tell you that’s a whole different ballpark in my opinion.

A year later or something Bruce has a new patient who reminds him quite a fucking bit of the naked man when he was a kid. You start to figure out right away that Bruce is trying to redeem himself by solving this case. I have never been into the psychologist scene so I’m not sure but I bet he was embarrassed about the whole no clothes thing I mentioned. I mean people start snickering and you gotta do something, you gotta prove that you know how to help a kid. (read the rest of this shit…)

VERN has been reviewing movies since 1999 and is the author of the books SEAGALOGY: A STUDY OF THE ASS-KICKING FILMS OF STEVEN SEAGAL, YIPPEE KI-YAY MOVIEGOER!: WRITINGS ON BRUCE WILLIS, BADASS CINEMA AND OTHER IMPORTANT TOPICS and NIKETOWN: A NOVEL. His horror-action novel WORM ON A HOOK will arrive later this year.